Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
