kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
