my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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