I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
