i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
