whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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