he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
