i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
