I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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