dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Randomize
