3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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