one might say we're banned from that church
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
