I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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