you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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