you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
