guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
