can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
