Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
