Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
