I forgot how hot balto sounded
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
