yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
