I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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