Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
