this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
