Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
