babies were throwing up all over the place
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Let's get the cat blown out
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
