i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
