i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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