Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
