Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
God, you're like boner-b-gone
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
