she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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