i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize