I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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