I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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