I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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