no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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