You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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