Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I didn't notice because vodka
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
