I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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