when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
