I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Rumble strips road head = magical
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
