So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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