Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize