awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
