It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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