my soul wont recognize me after tonight
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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