my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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