she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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