Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
