I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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