I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I touched a dick in church today
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
