considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
