i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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