Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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