he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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