filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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