Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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