And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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