Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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