meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
