How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
