Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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