dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
