Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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