yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
