I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
