I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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