p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
