Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
