HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
