Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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