Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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