i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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